So I know I said I’d learned my lesson the last time around and I would go to the midwife this time. And I dutifully went today. It was the usual stuff. I must say I’m glad I don’t have to bring my own refrigerated urine anymore. That was back in the day. Now we just need to get a stick out of the bathroom.

And they take your blood pressure, and you listen to the baby’s heartbeat. Until the baby kicks the doppler.

And nobody says anything about the serious pain you have in your future. The baby and I are marching towards that ultimate end. Yes, we finally get to meet face to face. After the pain.

I wonder if I can skip all the little pointless appointments and just take the tests and then call them on the big day. Because by now I have just run out of pleasant commentary for these appointments.

I remember when all this was new. When I was pregnant with Yanni, I couldn’t wait for my Dr.’s appointments. I couldn’t wait to hear how well the baby and I were doing, blah, blah, blah. Everything was so fresh and exciting back then. I didn’t have to drop everything I was doing, get the little children dressed and race out the door for an appointment.

Back then I didn’t have anything to do, and looked forward to finding out more about the inevitable. The more I found out, the less I knew what birth would be like.

Now I know. Having been through the most nightmarish of births, it’s hard to think of anything else. So I know why I go to be bored out of my mind once a month. After the next visit, it will be twice a month. . . until we meet face to face. From what I remember, Yanni’s birth wasn’t that painful. I remember thinking, “is that all? I could do that again!”

I certainly couldn’t have anticipated Xay’s birth, which happened so fast it was overwhelming, or Esteban’s enormous shoulders, or Yasha being crushed by the whole experience. I wish someone could tell me exactly what to expect. I wish I didn’t have such a big space between Esteban and this baby.

I wish and wish and wish, and ultimately, we march toward the inevitable. And pray we get the prize at the end of the birth tunnel.