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Established 1991
Last year one of the basketball mothers sidled up to me and said they were trying that teen dating thing for the first time. Her oldest two daughters had started dating a couple of boys from the homeschool community. Her younger daughter had been a wild child, and she had hooked up with something of a player. I was worried. I saw them tonight, still together, and the two mothers were sitting together. Who knows? This might end in marriage.
Another family I talked with had a daughter who wanted to date so desperately that they worked out a system. The boy had to come to their house and they could only see each other in the presence of the family. They dated for a few months, and got married.
A third family didn’t do dating. Their son graduated from high school and then asked a fellow graduate out. They dated for a few months.
We don’t believe in dating. It has become sport, completely devoid of its original purpose–to get to know someone and see if they would make a good mate.
It’s hard on teens in this culture to accept that view. We have been working hard to instill it in our children. We like the idea of getting to know and watch a potential suitor, so when our daughter was asked to the prom, we invited the boy over.
He came on Superbowl Sunday, along with some of our friends. No pressure, right?
He came right in and gave me a hug, and joined the grown-ups watching the game for a little while. He even had the gumption to root for the team that my husband and I opposed.
Then he went in the kitchen and kept our daughter company while she made these amazingly hot appetizers and chocolate chip cookies.
Eventually all the teenagers (including our son’s friends) ended up watching the end of the game with all the adults. It was a nice picture.
After the game, my husband and I talked to the boy to find out what this boy had on his mind. He looked my husband directly in the eye while he talked about his plans for the future. He talked about the organizations he has started, awards he has won. He sounds like a young man of purpose.
We invited him to come again soon.
What are your thoughts about teen dating?
This blog is written by Angie.
Eve
February 8th, 2010 at 10:59 pm
“The boy had to come to their house and they could only see each other in the presence of the family. ” That’s Jane Austen old school. That’s how they did it back in the day! And while that tradition is gone for most of us, there is something really sexy about Mr. Darcy sending a calling card in advance and endeavoring to court while the family looks on.
Mocha
February 8th, 2010 at 11:05 pm
Hmm. Well, I see a lot of it and can understand how you mean it’s all sport. It’s lost the meaning. My oldest has been dating the same young man for 6 years. Now, she’s upset when people ask when they’re getting married. Obviously, she has found someone who can be a mate, but her friends are really rushing into marriage. Isn’t it ok that she’s not ready NOR IS HER MOTHER?
Your kids are really lucky to have involved parents. I’ve ‘picked’ a girl for my son and he likes her but she’s just getting over some hard feelings from another boy. Ah, teens.
Mackey Roberson
February 9th, 2010 at 12:14 am
I’m glad you will blaze this trail before me and I hope to learn from you. My hubs and I have discussed it at length but still have no solutions as to how we will handle it. I think that you approach seems great. Our society is focused on all things sensual now more than ever before. Sex and sexual images are used to market and sell everything and with that type of imagery, it is much easier for a young persons mind to be trained and focused on the wrong thing. I know families that have allowed dating , courtship and nothing at all. Each has it’s pros and cons….it’s a tough decision.
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February 9th, 2010 at 5:31 am
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Angela
February 9th, 2010 at 9:11 pm
I agree, Eve! Jane Austin knew how to tell a love story!
Mocha, you are in a different territory with your oldest, huh? I’d like to see how you and she manage her future. How did you pick the young lady for your son? Sorry about her heartbreak. That’s just the thing we’re trying to avoid here–and more.
Mackey, thanks for the support. We’ll let you know what works and what doesn’t. When this one’s out of the house, we get to start over with a boy!
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